Fleeing the Nightmarish Father novel Chapter 63

“Do you think I am a toy you can use, say, whatever, whenever you want!?”

On the verge of crying, she pushed me forcefully and lost my composure at the heartbreak I was unwillingly giving her, I broke too.

“That is exactly why I don’t want you, Saafia!”

Panting heavily, a miserable expression crept on my face. Holding her arm roughly, making her gasp in dread but I wanted her to know too.

“Whatever YOU make me feel, forces me to go through, drives me insane too!” I whisper-yelled, pressing her body against mine.

My lips began to shake, a weakness emerged in my eyes. I was defeated to the point my denial began to hurt me too.

“W-What do you mean?”

“Do you think I don’t notice how I behave with you? Do you think I don’t know? Do you think I don’t realize how I make you feel even if I didn’t want it?”

Shifting my other hand, I held the side of her face possessively, synching my crushing breaths with hers to induce the same hesitation in her.

If she thought she was the only one hurting then she was wrong.

“And you know what's worse? I hate all of it, the feelings, the moments, the talks, everything. Still I can’t stop any of them! And I NEED more of it, more of you by each passing second!”

Releasing an unwanted tear, I pushed us away, holding my chest to display my anguish too which was shattering me.

“Why… Do you hate me so much, Dariel? What have I ever done to you!?”

For what I am, it was suffocating me and her love would only magnify those sensations so I considered telling her truth the best option.

“You want to know why?”

Swallowing hard, I quickly wiped the tear on my cheek and pointed my finger furiously at her, bursting out my emotions.

“Because you are just like my Mother! Exactly the same! And I hate it! I hate it, I hate you because you are going to leave me behind to suffer just like she did!”

Stunned at my reply, she stood frozen as I almost broke into a cry but covering my mouth, I turned my head away.

“You… will also do the same. L-Love me to the point I-I would start worshiping you and then l-leave me with a heavy heart too.”

My voice trembled.

Inhaling sharply, I curled my hands in a fist, forcing the lump in my throat to not scatter- because I was afraid that if I did, she might not hold me.

And if she held me, I would want her to hold me forever and if I lost that warmth, I would scatter again so both options were horrible.

“Dammit!”

Cursing at her lack of reply, I walked out of the room outrageously, leaving her flabbergasted.

Fuming with rage, I was on the patio, growling under my breath continuously.

I ruffled my hair, making them mess as I took a seat, tapping my foot continuously on the ground due to anxiousness.

“Really? Why? I don’t see any qualities of a worthy husband in me.” I chuckled dryly.

“The reason I said before marriage. I wanted you to know that I won’t change. At first, it was only a challenge but soon I developed feelings.” She continued.

“Same… Cut the intimidation part but I indulged in arguing with you. Making small talks, uselessly starting a fight. When it all started to develop, I don’t know.” I hummed.

Placing her hand over my cheek, tilting my head to get a proper glimpse of her graceful features.

“And now I have no idea where I am standing.” I confessed.

“Near me, with me,” She smiled, closing our gap to hold my cheek in her palm perfectly, giving my soul serenity.

“No, no, I won’t. My heart won’t let me. I may have kept you near but I won’t let us become one.”

My lips curled downwards, averting my gaze from her keen one. I was about to pull away but she didn’t let me.

“Why?”

“The reason I married you, I kept you with me, I wanted to change you, all because I see my past in your eyes and I hate it. I hated the look in your eyes.”

When I looked at her, I wanted her to know that she stole my peace and became it herself.

And she was unaware of the depth of my perspective or feelings. She had absolutely no idea.

Please listen to what I might not be able to tell…