Fleeing the Nightmarish Father novel Chapter 57

How could I desire him to caress me this badly? To hold me and tell me ‘it’s okay’. What was happening to me?

Shifting back, I looked down at my laps, a hint of hesitation began to take over me. When he had supported me this much then he deserved to know why I was this agonized.

“Hey, you okay? Is there something… you want to speak?”

There were countless things I wanted to say but it was neither time nor the moment for it. In fact what could I possibly say when you are here already?

“Uh..”

I should tell him why I was feeling this way, that I was in a bad need of support. I never told Jared about it but I didn’t know why, my heart was convinced to share my regret with him.

“You must be thinking when I was mentally prepared for Father's death then why I was so devastated, right?”

“I was but I thought it wouldn’t be the right time to ask.” He agreed, plopping on his one elbow, placing his attention to me.

“I told you the one with a heavy heart refuses to come back. See, he didn’t.” I chuckled dryly, perplexing him.

“Heavy heart?”

Gathering my courage and scattering emotions, I finally told him why I was so devastated.

“That I put him in this condition.”

“What..?!”

“I was not always kind. I was like you, exactly like you. I was a teenager, I was spoiled and used to be a bully.” I laughed dryly.

Ah, those times when I used to be the worst one.

“Really? I honestly cannot imagine you like this.” He smirked, furrowing his eyebrows in disbelief.

“But, I was, I was so horrible and gave a scar my Father took along to his grave. That day… Dariel,”

Taking a prolonged pause, my throat dried, unsure what to tell him and how. Would he place me at fault too?

“It’s alright, you can share it with me.”

Breaking my painful worries, he held my hand, allowing me to trust him and share the weight I was carrying all these years with him.

“I told him I hate him and then he had his accident and went into a coma and now he is no more. I.. I never got a chance to apologize. My last words to him were ‘I hate you’. I began to think I did this to him.”

“What…?”

Taken aback, he got up quickly, not expecting I could do such a horrible thing, especially to my Father.

Tears began to collect in my eyes, failing to bear this ache inside me anymore, I broke into a sob, “I was such a bad daughter. I did this to him,”

“I gave a scar to his heart. I never got to apologize, I have no idea if he had forgiven me or not.”

I began to cry, legs crossed, tears rolling down and I was sobbing like a kid. Remorseful about that one chance I could never gain.

“I just wanted him to know that I never meant it. I am not a horrible person. I don’t want him to hate me. And now I don’t know if had forgiven me or not.” I cried, covering my face in my hands.

The main reason I had become like this, forgiving and kind, all because I didn’t want to hurt anything with my tongue or my actions anymore.

I was not strong enough to carry this guilt.

“Don’t be silly, of course he did. He is your Father, your voice has reached him, don’t worry.” He almost panicked, holding my wrist to espy at my tear face.

Sniffling, I shivered slightly, looking at him expectantly, “You think so?”

“Yes.” He nodded, giving me some tissues to wipe my tears and runny nose but I couldn’t help it.

I just wanted him to know.

“You know some rich bastard hit him with his car and ran away from there. It used its power and hid itself. I don’t even get to know who did it. I couldn’t get him justice, I couldn’t say sorry, I could do anything.” I chuckled in between my sobs, wiping my tears to not release further tears.

“And then you decided to become kind? For better?” He whispered.

Scooting closer, I called, wondering if he was awake.

“Dariel.”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you for staying again.”

Curling my lips in a sincere smile, I couldn’t stop myself from not extending my hand and wrapping it around his arm. His strong body gave me a sense of protection.

I did what my heart told me. I pray he won’t push me away.

“I have told you, I understand your pain. I would have done the same for anyone.” He sighed, covering his face with his free hand.

So?

“Have you done the same for anyone, even Veronica?” I asked suspiciously.

“Yeah, I guess.” He hummed, not thinking deeply.

I thought it would hurt me but surprisingly it didn't. That showed that he is not cruel as he was showing after all. And besides-

“But, the fact you did it for ‘me’ is special to me. I only care that you are here for me.”

“I guess I am not that much of an insensitive bastard after all.”

We both chuckled slightly and I looked up at him in pure mesmerization and he had no idea about it.

No idea that my stares were becoming stronger than his.

An untold delight brimming in my chest as I locked my eyes on him with a pure smile, thinking how I should tell him what I had begun to feel.

‘How can I tell you that I am falling for you?’