Fleeing the Nightmarish Father novel Chapter 55

Looking down, I wanted to share the strange feeling I was receiving and I could only talk to her.

“Jacey…”

“Hmm?”

“I feel like my head is bursting from stress.” I confessed, affixing my eyes on the ground as I held my shirt.

“About what?” She asked worriedly, shifting closer quickly.

“I don’t think I am strong or capable enough to console someone in the time of mourning. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how to do it.” I told her as my lips quivered slightly.

I took the crushing feeling but I was not that strong enough to bear a funeral. It was mentally affecting me and if it wasn’t for Saafia, I wouldn’t have done it.

“But, you were the only ones there for me.” She whispered, holding my shoulder lovingly.

“You should know what and how I was back then, I am not like this anymore.” I growled, running my hand through my hair, not sure for how long I could console Saafia without becoming frustrated.

“I know but… can you be like this once for the woman you love?” She asked softly, staggering.

“What…?”

“Do you think I am blind, Dariel? After what happened, what Saafia did, after everything, here you are, for her, with her. When was the last time you were there for anyone? Mama’s funeral?” She explained softly, telling the point I never noticed before.

A shiver went down my spine, the thought of falling for Saafia made me freeze. I never imagined nor wanted. I couldn’t…

Then who is she to me?

“I don’t know but by all means, I don’t love her, Jacey. It’s nothing like this. I don’t love her.” I enunciated sternly, removing her hand from my shoulder, getting up.

“Then who is she to you that you hold her, that you treat her differently, that you stand beside her? Who is Saafia to you?” She asked in the same tone, folding her arms at her chest.

“Nothing…” I scoffed, not bothering to think deeply about something which was not possible.

At least in my perspective.

Rolling my eyes, I ignored her and turned to leave for my room, “I am going to check up on Saafia.”

After talking with Jacey, I went to my room to see Saafia. She was having nightmares and I had to check up on her constantly to see if she was alright or not.

Gathering my courage, I knew I had to be the one to be at her side whether I would like it or not and entered slowly.

“Saafia?”

I called her worriedly, hoping she’d be asleep but she wasn’t. The second I opened the door, she rushed to me hopelessly.

“Dariel! Where were you?!”

With a whisper-yell, she was before me, losing her breaths. Watery eyes narrowed with a strong urge to have me beside me.

“I was downstairs. Uh, Jacey came.”

I cleared my throat, moving to the side to point towards her. Jacey rushed inside and engulfed her in a hug.

Her attachment towards me had begun to distress me.

“Saafia. Forget what happened, I am so sorry to hear about your Father. How are you now?” Jacey said sweetly, holding her close.

“You stay with her. I will get you something to eat.” I said expectantly, turning my head away.

She frowned at me, “I am not hungry.”

“You haven’t eaten anything. This is the second time you have passed out. I will get something.” Insisting tenderly, I returned a feeble smile to reassure her and went to grab a tray of food for her.

My heart was surrounded with tension, with a hint of dismay I was impotent to express.

‘How could I stop you from approaching me? The closer you are getting the more I am losing my mind.’ I thought, slamming my hand on the counter.

Releasing a growl under my breath, I ran my hand through my hair, “Control yourself.” Scolding myself, I shook my head, took the tray and went inside the room.

Saafia was sitting with Jacey, looking down at her laps and to find lifelessness in those adorable eyes was burning me. I didn't know why but to find her emptiness.

It was twisting my insides with inexplicable distress.

Yet, upholding my posture, I placed the food on the table and sat beside Saafia, “There you go, eat.”

“I said I am not hungry.” She whined, shaking her head in denial and I won’t let her ruin her health.

Shifting closer unintentionally, I moved my hand behind her and brought a bite near her lips softly. I used to feed my mother too when she was sick.

“I will feed you. Open your mouth.” I offered, trying to sound compelling, gaining her attention as well.

Lifting her eyes beautifully, she fidgetted her fingers around her dress anxiously and parted those plump lips. My heart skipped a beat, averting my eyes to not stare at her compelling expression and fed her.

‘If I won’t take care of her then who will? She is fragile after all, how can I possibly let her break?’

“Now rest. I will stay by your side.”

Swallowing hard, I gradually stopped, realizing my position and pulling my hand back gratefully, unwillingly. I shouldn’t be doing this.

She said so herself- ‘Don’t hold my hand when you don’t mean it, please.’

I was about to pull back but she held my wrist, in a firm grip while narrowing her eyes at me as that melodious voice called me, “Dariel.”

“Hmm?”

“Can you please not go to work tomorrow?” She asked innocently.

I need to go to work. You have to understand that I couldn’t stay here for too long, I had neglected my work too long for you-

“I wasn’t going to anyways. Relax, I am staying with you, I know you need me with you.” I hummed, shifting and holding her hand.

My eyes were on her while my mind was elsewhere. How could I say those words at the edge of my tongue?

“Can you hold me then, please?” She murmured, pulling me down. My throat dried, not sure about this idea.

Looking away, I curled my hand in a fist to keep my emotions at bay, “Uh…”

“Please?”

Inhaling sharply, I couldn’t help but to melt into her innocent wish, “Okay.”

Giving up at her scant yearning, my gaze locked, failing to part when she held me like this and I had a question.

'Did you mean it or am I only a pillar to support in your dark times? Do you truly desire my vicinity?'

"Will you stay?" She questioned again at my lack of response.

Forcing down my dilemmas and thoughts, I made comforting her my priority and shifted down.

"Okay..."

Humming, I laid next to her. I could feel my heart thumping abnormally. Controlling my internal sensations, I extended my hand and let her rest closely.

Inhaling sharply, I subdue my feelings and shut my eyes to fall into a deep slumber.