The Mate That Wasn't Mine novel Chapter 34

Chapter 34

TESSA POV

After Irene shut me out I headed to my own room. Well, only after I lingered outside her door as long as I dared.

Listening for something positive. Anything at all. Laughter, a squeal of happiness. Maybe some falling into each other’s arms, bedsprings creaking

Bat deep down, I waited, on my guard for the other sounds. Furniture scraping, raised voices. A sob. A stash of furniture. Anything like that I would have been braying my fist against the door, demanding Irene to come with me.

But there is nothing. Silent as the grave, all I can hear is my own heartbeat. It merges, like waves softly breaking across a shore with the fearful doubt in my soul. Irene is gentler, softer than me.

Or perhaps not. I claim to be more than my searing blushes, maybe I am underestimating my quiet friend.

I linger as long as I dare, until other mated couples walk by including Roman and Victoria, both with long ashy blonde hair and piercing, teal coloured

eyes.

They say nothing but I know their eyebrows would have been raised with mutual curiosity once past me.

Leaving Irene’s door all I can do is hope to see Maxim. Except he’s not back either.

Only little Pawsome greets me. His tortoiseshell hues of brown, black and gold are adorable, quick to spot and claim Maxim’s pillow for his furry little body.

“Well, he’s not here to tell you no…so I guess you’re here for tonight,” I whisper, allowing my fingers to slowly stroke down the length of his spine. Green eyes with sharply oval irises question me in silence.

“Hmm. I’m sure he won’t mind you staying with us,” secretly praying he won’t be as cold as Isaac was to the idea of a pet.

Can a cat judge you? Certainly feels like it.

Huffing, I settle into my pillows, still itching to hear Maxim’s hand find the door handle. Yet again I don’t know where he is. What if he was caught in that room and he’s being punished? Should I be breaking curfew to try and find him?

I look over at Pawsome. “I know I should wait up for him. But he told me to sleep, to not slip down the rankings over him. So I’m going to sleep. Okay? I’m going to listen to him.”

Pawsome remains unimpressed. But after silently replaying every single moment in that room in my head at least five times over I fell asleep.

My dreams were no better. His gently bearded face smiled down at me, seeking my kisses, telling me how proud he was. It morphed from the fields, to something like today’s small room.

Except my dream began turning the memory of his hand down my panties into something too real. I squirmed and writhed, parting and closing my legs, riding out waves of shame then exhilaration as I began undressing him, taking his pants down, standing behind him and taking him under my control. Kissing down his bare back, making him groan.

Swinging between right and wrong, he felt warm under my touch, his rippled body solid, everything perfect.

I took the initiative, allowing my hands to dip lower, into his waistband. To find what I craved to touch, see, taste. Only for the dream to flip.

My hand eagerly reached down only to find a blank space. Like reaching into an empty trash can. Nothing but air. My stupid hand is trying and failing to find his cock..

I can’t do it. I’m no good. He’s not for me. Humiliation and confusion rush at me.

“I’m sorry, I’m trying. I’m trying,” I burble out, dragging at his pants in my dream, the gorgeous scent of oak and berries growing stranger the more l

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Chapter 34

struggle

“Tessa, what are you doing?” his voice murmured. In the dark, jumbled up world I’d landed myself in, It only made me feel worse. “I’m trying my b shouted back. Aware that every other woman here would be able to look after him properly whilst I burn up with shame.

“Tessa,” came through again. I take my hands out of his shorts only for his hands to grab my wrists up against the door.

“I’m trying, I’m trying so hard to get it right,” I insist

even

as

grip on m

my wrists tightens.

“Mine,” the voice insists. But it’s not Maxim. It’s Luca. I open my eyes to black hair, dark eyes and horror! I’m trapped in a nightmare. Fighting, failing everything. I kick out until I hit something solid with my forehead.

A light flicks on before my wrist is swiftly grabbed again. I look

way from the lantern only to see Maxim.

He’s got me. Just like my dream. Huge legs straddling

me,

shirt completely undone, his pants unbuttoned. Pinning me underneath him.

“Hey, hey you awake now?”

“Did…did I just headbutt you?”

“Yes.”

“I was talking in my sleep?”

“A bit. Fighting, rolling, twisting mainly. Scared the cat away. Nice of you to tell me we were getting a pet,” he smirked.

He’s inches above my face, my eyes immediately flickering down to his

“It’s Pawsome. Isaac didn’t want Irene to bring him to their room here,

Maxim exhales whilst I pray for my wolf to calm down my pulse.

“Okay. Well I’ve been given a job by the Wardens.”

s

“Oh your promotion? I’m so pleased for you!” my voice filling with hope.

He winces. The humour and light was completely absent from his face. “What

He clenches his jaw, grips my wrists a little tighter.

“I’ve got to interrogate you Tessa.”

7

”

I blink up at him, the shadows catching his jawline. He doesn’t look angry, just desperately sad and I hate that I’m the cause of it. And that I can only

make it worse.

“Interrogate?”

“Yes.”

“But, I’m not a rebel, I don’t know anything.”

Maxim thins his lips, his voice low and deep. Quieter than our rustling bedsheets yet wielding the power to shatter everything. “I’m asking you please, to not lie to me.”

“Are you going to hurt me?” I whisper up at him, catching those gorgeous green flecks in his eyes.

“Tessa, no. I don’t think I could. But others would be happy to.” letting that miserable realisation sink in. Everyone wants to be top, so what if it means roughing up a first–year?

Chapter 34

“So can you just trust me…with everything, all the truths and let me choose what to tell the Wardens?”

I close my eyes, Inhaling his scent and memorising how it feels to have him so close to me. Before it ends.

I couldn’t even seduce him properly in my dreams.

A tear trickles down from the outer edge of my eye, straight down towards my ear. “Ask me.

“This won’t change how we are.”

“Don’t you start lying if I’ve got to tell nothing but the truth,” I remark ruefully.

“Fine. Why has there been a letter delivered to you here, with the words, ‘Ravenbow Packhouse. Don’t look for me. Sorry.”

“That’s the letter I left my parents. The day I caught the train. I left it in the kitchen for my mother to find.”

Maxim nods steadily, still above me. It is an interrogation because I know he’s trained.

He’ll be doing this to monitor my pulse, the way my pupils dilate and contract. So many ways to reveal a person. Not because he wants the closeness of my body against his.

“So…Tessa, there have been rebel attacks for the past week. The dead retrieved from an attack came back here today, why did they have notes pinned to

their chests?”

“Notes saying what?”

“Tessa Darnell. Come Home.”

My mouth falls open. Surely he wouldn’t do this? How could he ruin everything we once talked about?

“Tessa, why the fuck are rebels pinning your name on corpses?”

“I don’t know,” I force out, my face creasing as I try to prevent the tears. “I don’t know why they want me. I’m nothing to them.”

“Would someone else write it maybe, not them?”

“Maxim……I can’t…”

“Please, please don’t lie to me Tessa,” he urges, pressing me deeper into the mattress. All his body weight. And I want it. It will help me remember what I almost had,