Tangled in Moonlight: Unshifted novel Chapter 401

"Fiona used to braid my hair every morning." Ivy’s voice breaks. "She’d tell me about the boys she liked, about her dreams of becoming a teacher. She never stopped treating me like just... me."

A tear slides down her temple, disappearing into her hair. My chest tightens at the raw pain in her voice.

"James was the funny one. He’d make these terrible jokes during pack meetings. Once, in second grade, he..." She draws a shuddering breath. "He put a rubber snake in Clayton’s desk, and my brother shrieked like a child. Everyone laughed. I hated him, because Clayton was my hero. But then they became best friends after that. At some point, I stopped hating him."

Her grip tightens, and I let her anchor herself to me. Whatever it is in her system pulses against my magic, as if testing it. Beneath it, I sense something else—genuine grief, sharp and jagged.

"And David." Her voice drops to a whisper. "He was going to propose to his mate. Had the ring picked out and everything. He showed it to me the morning before..."

She breaks off with a sob that wracks her whole body. Without thinking, I squeeze her hand back.

"I should have protected them all better." The words tumble out between gasping breaths. "They trusted me. And now they’re dead because I wasn’t strong enough."

"You couldn’t have known—"

"Don’t." Her eyes snap open, fever-bright and desperate. "Don’t tell me it wasn’t my fault. Don’t tell me there was nothing I could do. I’ve heard it all before and it doesn’t help."

I fall silent, understanding completely. Sometimes platitudes just make the guilt worse. She’s an accomplished warrior, trained by her pack. Trying to minimize her pain is more of an insult than a comfort.

Her fingers clutch mine so hard it hurts, but I don’t pull away. Touch grounds us, connects us. Right now, that connection might be the only thing keeping her from drowning in her grief.

"I see their faces every time I close my eyes," she whispers. "I hear their screams. Feel their pack bonds snap. Over and over and over."

The taint surges with her distress, and I have to bite my tongue to keep from telling her about it. Not now. Not when she’s this vulnerable, this raw.

Her other hand finds my arm, gripping it like a lifeline. "How do you do it? How do you keep going when everything hurts so much?"

The question hits me hard. How do I keep going? Through the abuse, my mother’s rejection, my father’s manipulation—through all of it, I just... did. Because stopping wasn’t an option.

It wasn’t always pretty, and there’s so much I regret. But I kept going.

"You breathe," I tell her softly. "You take it one moment at a time. And you honor their memory by living the life they’d want for you."

Her fingers spasm against mine. "Do you know what happened out there?"

"No."

Her eyes stare into mine. Hunted. Frightened. Shadowed with the deaths of wolves she considered family. "I’m not sure I do, either."

My blood turns to ice. "What do you mean?"

"Everything’s... fuzzy." Ivy’s grip tightens on my hand. "We were on the route. Nothing out of the ordinary. Then—" She shakes her head, wincing. "Pain. So much pain. And darkness."

The taint pulses against my magic again, stronger this time. I force myself to stay still, to not react.

"I remember running." Her voice drops to barely a whisper. "But I don’t know what from. Or to. Just... running. And screaming. But I don’t know if it was me or—" She breaks off with a choked sound.

"Take a breath." I squeeze her hand. "You’re safe now."

"Am I?" Her eyes lock onto mine, fever-bright but lucid. "Something’s wrong with me. I can feel it. Like there’s something inside me, clawing to get out."

My heart pounds. She knows. On some level, she knows about the taint.

"When did it start?"

"After the attack. Maybe during?" She shivers despite her fever. "Everything changed."

Ivy’s eyes roll back, and her head lolls to the side. Just like that—as if someone flipped a switch. Her grip on my hand goes slack, her fingers sliding away from mine.

"Ivy?"