My retort made Jared choke momentarily, his handsome face growing darker.
“This is between us as husband and wife. Don’t drag someone else into it,” Jared said in a lowered tone, but his emotions clearly worsened.
I nodded. It was true; when a guy cheated, the other woman was at fault too, but he was even more responsible.
“Alright, let’s not talk about Tracy. Let’s focus on you. If there’s nothing between you two, why are you so nervous?” I asked sharply.
Jared’s eyes froze for a second, and then he seemed displeased. “When did I ever act nervous? I’m just having a normal conversation with you. Stop twisting things.”
Listening to that, it was obvious he wasn’t genuinely trying to explain anything. He was just using a tough attitude to cover up something deeper. I instantly lost interest in arguing further; I needed to look after my own health and sanity.
“Fine, I got it. I won’t bring up Tracy around our daughter again.” With that, I headed to the bathroom. I thought, ‘If he wants to win this argument so badly, let him.‘
By the time I came out of the bathroom, Jared was gone.
In the middle of the night, Yvonne crawled into my arms, holding my arm tightly with her little hands. “Mommy, I had a nightmare. Hold me while I sleep,” she said.
Looking at the little body in my arms made my heart ache. I thought, ‘I’ve decided to stop trying to control her. If Jared and I divorce, I’ll probably see her only every few days, or sometimes not for months..
“If I really move to another city for work, I’ll miss her teenage years and her rebellious phase. I won’t be there for her middle school tutoring sessions or see her come home late from high school..
“When she goes abroad for college, it’ll be Jared and Tracy who support her, while I might only call from afar to check in on
her.‘
Tears unknowingly filled my eyes. I felt so lost inside. ‘How does one live life without regrets?‘ I wondered.
“Is that so? Well, eat more then,” I said, scooping another spoonful of gruel for her.
I thought, ‘From now on, I’ll make an effort to dress well every day as a way to compensate myself.‘

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